Wishing Upon A Star - I

Remembering the time I spent with all my single friends in Jakarta which was the best moment in my life. We were nothing yet to become someone. Let me start with my University friends. It was in 1999. First time I entered Campus-life, I was alone and knew no one! Then I (actually my parents) decided to rent a room in a house, which in Indonesian we call kos-kosan. There are 11 rooms in the house with the owner livesl in the middle (they built the house like an "U" shape). My first friend was Ririn (which now is my ex-friend.. weird, huh?! long story, anyways). She used to be a very nice girl with a great expression of words and attitude (she could have joined "a hall of fame or even a hall of lame!). She's so witty and spoiled and loves to laugh, wears sexy clothes and loves tank-tops. We made a pretty good connection to each other. Then there was Martha. She comes from Lampung (part of Sumatra). She looks like Chinese actually (I really thought she was a Chinese! haha) and she is so damn smart! She used to be the one who became our lecturer after the class over. Haha. She's got a high tone of voice and she's got the most white skin among us (and oh yeah, she loooovessss to scrub her body! hahaha). Next, there was Inggrid. A mixed Ambonese-Netherland girl. Cute, small, got a very unique shape of face, got a smooth white skin (like a baby!!), furry, wore braces and glasses (sometimes softlence) and she cannot spell "R" (which is cute! at least for me!). A very spoiled girl, crybaby, sensitive, got a nice voice (she can sing and play guitar!!), and more religius than us! hahahaha..
Then last one.. it is me, Krisna! A tall skinny girl with a bitchy face (according to people´s first impression =p), dark brown skin, a not-so-cute or pretty face with a little smile on the corner of her lips, a moody and a crybaby-psycho, a panic victim, a love traveler and a Gemini (is this one really important?! =D).
Four of us were newbies in the University, majoring Dentistry and each of us really got totally different characters but somehow we feel like sisters. We got our own specialty which made us help each other:
Ririn: knowing facial beauty products plus make up.
Martha : Smart, diligent and always had a very nice notes from the lessons from each classes with a very nice handwriting.
Inggrid: Make up appliance, body treatment, music and soap opera updates.
Krisna : Collecting and saving money, hair dresser (got some hair dryer and hair straightener (we call it in Indonesian as "catokan" =D), and sleeping (hahaha)
But there are two big similarities about us.
1. We love SHOPPING IN MELAWAI!! hahahaha... That is really a great place to spend our money to get a (quite) nice and very cheap things! Every weekend we took a bus or a taxi and went to Blok-M, Melawai and bought T-shirts, pants, underwears or even food, especially snacks! Of course we always did it on the first or second weekend because usually on the third or fourth weekend we were already got bankrupt! hahahaha..
2. We EAT A LOT!! Oh my gosh.. all of us are not big or fat or whatever you call for a greedy person, but still we are skinny (but probably Inggrid is the only person who always complain about her weight though she's not gaining any weight!!).

It was not always easy to get some food (meal) outside. We did not cook by ourselves though there was a kitchen for us to use (sharing with the host family). We always bought the food outside from the small cafetaria and it's quite cheap. Actually we could have just walked down a little bit far (about 500m) then we could fine a quite lot of food tents which sold cheap food like seafood, porridge, fried rice, etc. Near that area there was a PIZZAHUT restaurant (very close to the supermarket, HERO), but I think now it is closed. The funny thing was, eventhough we didn't really have much money, but we still (I think) went to PIZZAHUT every 2weeks! hahahha.. that's totally crazy, indeed! But hey, we got a special trick for these kind of things! We always chose 1 portion of salad and 1 big size of pizza but then the silly thing is that we make a bowl full of salad (like a mountain of salad!) so we can share it for each of us (hahaha). So, that way made us even so full yet save our money! hihihi Since then, the waiter and waitress note that we will always come and take that kind of portion of salad, which kinda made them so upset. Haha. But yeah anyway, that was a kind of live for students who wants to survive with a little money =p
We lived in a small area which in that area also a lot of kos-kosan with a different types of rules and students. Of course most of it are Dentistry students but some are students from Trisakti University of Tourism.
I started to live there in August 20th. In that house, where everything was started.

20 Something.. Is hard?

Just read a novel by Dewi Pravitasari. It is about life at 20 something is a hard life to be done. Quarter-life Crisis, it said between 21-29 y.o.

*Mikir* ………………. kayaknya gw lagi dalam tahap itu neh :p ihihi.. But, I feel so lucky that I can do anything I want that is quite positive *at least that is what I think*

Anyway, I feel blessed that I actually experienced many things in my 28 years-life yet 29 :p that probably not even my friends, close-friends could experience it. Though it was something dissapointing, sad, outrageous, shocking, but still, it was something precious. I have put my life in risks, probably until this second. But I do have no fear to live in those risks. I might fail somehow, but at least I should give it a try, so I will know what would be the results.

I have decided that I will close my past-book in Indonesia and try to gain a new chapter of life on the other side of the world. I don`t believe in missfortune, but I do believe in chance. There will always be many chances, but of course I will have to be sensitive enough to see it coming.


Next week on Tuesday is my birthday. Well, 29 year-old. Not bad, huh? hihihi.. I have been reviewing about my 28 year-old life these days. Hmmm... I am not a super smart person (If I were then at this age I could be professor or a nerd! haha), I am not a super beautiful woman (If I were then I could end up winning miss Universe! huahaha), I am not a super kind person (I mostly got devil inside rather than angel! hihihihi), I am not a super obedient daughter to my parents (mostly fight with my Dad about car, and Mom about small things. Huh..), I am not a super nice sister to my siblings (with my sister, absolutely! since she always asks some money from me! hahahahha *sorry Deboy* =p), I am not a super talented (too many talents make you stupid! =p), I am not a super bestfriend to my bestfriends and still so many "I am not". But I believe that I am super special to someone =) My parents love me, my bestfriends love me (or not?!?!?! huhuuhuhu) and my dog, Louie, loves me! hihihi..

Being 29 wanna-be is a bit scary =p just to be honest, even at this age I still don't know what I really want in life *pheuww*.. Sometimes I get lost when I'm down but I know when the day is over and come to the next day, I always find my strength again.

Knowing that all my close friends are getting married is really really terrify me! Whooaaaa! What the hell is this feeling anyway?? Why should I be scared? But I cannot avoid this feeling. One moment I can feel relax and don't really care about it, but then later I can feel so worry, terrify, even somehow feel a bit down. Is that a sign of life-crisis?? hmmm.. a quarter-life crisis. Arrrrghhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!! Hate it so muchhhh!!

Di novel tersebut dibilang kalau: umur 20-an bukan tentang “mencapai sesuatu” tetapi masih dalam tahap mencari, mengumpulkan, yang mana hasilnya baru dapat terlihat 10-15th ke depan. Well yeah, I agree with that..

Well, let's see what will happen next. Who knows that something great will happen to me soon! hihih.. *finger crossed* =D just need to be positive thinking and work hard and surviving! ;)

Oh and don't forget the most important thing above all: Pray =)

Enjoy being 20-something! ;)

Love, Infatuation, Lust

Those 3 words got a thin line between them. Most of the time you won´t be able to seperate or distinguish them.Those 3 words are like a chain.

But this might open your mind about the actual definition of those 3 words.

Love is usually pure and a feeling that is mildly possessive but with lots of care, too.

Infatuation can be detected easily, when a persons says he loves someone, but is unwilling to talk, make any eye contact, or willing to do anything at all, but stay away, remaining shy.

Lust can be known if your “love” shifts easily from one person to another, and lust is usually expressed through short physical/emotional (but mostly physical relationships.

Keep in mind that in most relationships, you’re feeling all three (love, infatuation, and lust) all at once, to some degree.

Lasting relationships are those that are built on love - not infatuation or lust. Imagine the person you love in 50 years when they are old and fat. Would that change how you feel about them? If yes, then what you feel now is most likely lust/infatuation - not love.

Friendship should also weigh into your decision to commit. In 50 years, if you don’t genuinely LIKE your mate, you’re going to be miserable.

Remember that jealousy is not a result of love. It is more likely to be a result of infatuation, insecurity or fear of being alone. Are you in love with being in relationships?

A major life-changing decision like moving in together, getting engaged or getting married should be a natural step if you love someone. It should not inspire fear.
Take advantage of the post coital “moment of clarity” to examine your feelings. This is not usually the moment directly after orgasm (where most people are happy with the universe), but 5 or 10 minutes later, when your breathing and heart rate are normal. At this point, does the sex still make you feel closer to that person? Or are you beginning to feel regret and anxiety about what happened? If the latter, then it’s most definitely not love but lust. (In this matter it happens to unmarried couple that they have sex before married, but again, it depends to the couple)

Give it some time. Love takes root slowly and grows with time. Infatuation grows into full bloom almost immediately.

Keep in mind that “True love is neither physical, nor romantic. True love is an acceptance of all that is, has been, will be and will not be.” (Unknown)

What comes to mind when you think about this person. If you are not dating the person, think if you are eager to spend time with them or you just want to watch them from a distance. If you are in a relationship with the person, What do you want most out of the relationship. If you just want to consummate love to the person it is usually lust. True love is when you could love a person without ever “dropping your drawers” so to speak.

If you’re not sure about your feelings or your relationship, take things slowly. Spend time apart and see how you are feeling while you are away. Do you miss the person? Or are you more attracted to others when you are apart?

You may also want to consider the fact that it’s not always as easy as being one of these three things; often there are a lot of grey areas, the distinctions are blurred, and it is very possible to feel two or even all of these feelings for a person..just know that lust is not a GOOD thing when it comes to the interest of only one person in the relationship.

Well, hope now we do know about the thin line between those words. Gotta be careful. Head or heart, both are very important. Just watch your step =)

-K-

Source: From the internet with additional opinion ;) so, enjoy, relax and be careful choosing your feeling ;)

L.O.V.E

I found something interesting about this L big word.

“How on earth are you ever going to explain in terms of chemistry and physics so important a biological phenomenon as first love?”
— Albert Einstein

Love is difficult to define. How do you avoid confusing it with infatuation or lust? Philosophers and psychologists both have attempted to define love, or at least its difference from infatuation and lust. If you are looking to find love, the following observations may be helpful.

Love is much more than a risk, but is a risk that one can take and grasp and fall into a dark abyss or dig oneself a hole and only crawl back when you overcome your emotions.

How can one truly define what love is? Not even an experienced person can truly grasp or explain love to it’s truest and deepest meaning. Its concepts are just a never ending story of an open book of experiences. But love does lie in one’s heart, where memories are but shadows lingering in your soul.

Some definitions of Love.

1. The dictionary defines love in several ways that we use the word. For example love is:
   1. A strong positive emotion of. affection or pleasure. e.g. “His love for his work.” or “I love cooking.”
   2. Any object of warm affection or devotion or liking; “the theater was her first love“. I love French food.
   3. Beloved: a beloved person; used as terms of endearment
   4. A deep feeling of sexual desire and attraction. e.g. “She was his first love” or “She loves her husband.”
   5. A score of zero in tennis or squash; “It was 40 love!”
   6. Sexual love: sexual intercourse between two people. e.g. “They made love.” “He hadn’t had any love in months”;
2. Love is characterized by the desire to want good things for that person no matter what. And you’re willing to work out your problems together. And you just can’t hardly breathe when you’re around them and even though you may see them all the time or hardly ever it’s as if you get that rush of what you felt when you got your first kiss
3. The Greeks defined love in four categories:
   1. Agape love is unconditional love. It is love by “choice” even if you are not pleased. A good example is “God loves us with our faults.”
   2. Phi Leo love is the love of “attraction” guided by our likes or our healthy or unhealthy needs and desires.
   3. Storge is the word for family loveand the physical show of “affection” the need for physical touch. Sometimes friendship that becomes physical love.
   4. Eros is the physical “sexual” desire, intercourse. It is the root word of erotic, and eroticism.
4. Define love by thinking of what it means to you. Be bold and write down the feelings and thoughts you have about love.
5. Be aware of moments when you feel love towards anyone or anything.
6. Consider your motives, what are you each getting from the situation. Especially if it is progressing too quickly…
7. Think about whether you’d feel the same way if the other person’s looks were to change (is it just attraction).
8. Capture your feelings in metaphors, poetry or songs. “Love is like…”
9. Define love like a psychologist: love can be viewed as having three parts, triangularly. There are three key components:
   1. Passion underlies physical desire, sexual behavior, and arousal. This is the physical side.
   2. Intimacy is the emotional aspect: closeness, connectedness, and warmth of friendship.
   3. Commitment is the decision-making part “CHOICE” of love; are couples willing to work it out?
10. Expressing love may start as flirting with smiles, winks and maybe even kissing, but it is usually infatuation at this point, approaching with curiosity by one or both parties. While time is usually spent looking to discover more about this intriguing person, much time will be spent pondering the many possibilities of what could happen, or the consequences that may become of a certain action, or on the other hand the good that may come of it.
11. Thrill as the person in love having little else of such interest in the real world, food may taste bland, concentrating has become a serious mental struggle and even fun pastimes may seem worthless, as pacing and walking or even simply sitting or lying while musing about the person seems a most engaging thing to do.
    • This type of behavior can lead to serious disturbances at work and at home, especially if the person feeling love is already an item with somebody else with whom they may have shared these feelings at some time in the past.
12. Deeply in love–never scientifically proven to exist–it is thought that one can only be really in love with one person at a time. The part of the human being that is reserved for sharing with another (which some may call the soul, or the heart) is used up while dedicating itself to that one source, and that it is impossible to feel the overwhelming feeling of love in two sources: “twice-at-once” sounds impossible!
    • Although similar, love is thought not to be like pain which has definite locations; it is thought that it can move around, although usually it will reside in the lower stomach or the bottom of the throat, with sensitive areas like the temples and the legs and joints feeling stressed and weak. The mouth is often dry and the eyes seem strained, and this is all usually given the diagnosis of love sickness, or in some cases where love isn’t present, influenza.
13. Endure for a time. Time does seem to be the only healer in the case of lost love. The full connection of two loving parties (mutually) could lead to a stronger relationship, and developments such as procreation and marriage; but in the case of a single party or the rejection of the first party by the second, or even in the case of a secret love, being in love will usually only fade after the interest is out of sight and out of mind, or gives full closure to the pursuer.
14. Love forever (especially in literature)–it is forever. No matter how much time passes by, or what obstacles become present in the path to true and pure love, love will endure. This may be far fetched from reality, but many find it to be a preferable way to think.
    • Although this may be a much more joyous belief to have of love, there are also those situations where love does fail. This can be easily said to have been due to false love of mistaken identity between persons (as lovers are star crossed and are meant to find each other). Either way, the difference between feeling love and not feeling it is a distinct one, and cannot be mistaken. It is a true sickness that is present and can be more crippling than the flu, depression and many other illnesses combined.
    • Love can cause war; in the cases of love of religion and the love of money; war can cause people to steal and murder, it can lead to suicide and shatter marriage and family life, it can spread disease and give birth to evil; but love is eternal and cannot be eliminated, it is what makes people human. “I think therefore I am” may also be translated as “I love therefore I am”.
15. Allow yourself to think so you may choose why, where and when to find your life partner not just for simple breeding or survival of the fittest, but in order for developing and choosing as human beings not just feeling beings.
16. Share your love and spread it on through new generations, so while love lasts eternally, your mark upon humanity is also forever through your children and children’s children; you make your mark by your genetic codes, understandings and teachings continuing–passed on and developed forevermore!
    • This eternal possibility is a gift, not just dedication; you have to choose as we were born with conscientiousness, not like animals who only have instinct.
    • Desire is the want of more and is unfillable, not to be confused with Love which is joy and contentment.

There are many combinations, all of which form some kind of love. Is there passion and friendship but very little commitment? This is defined as “passionate love.” Are you committed but feel no passion or friendship? This is called “empty love.” What most people ultimately desire, is “TRUE LOVE” the total package: passion, intimacy, friendship and commitment in one healthy relationship. It’s the most fulfilling love. It is unconditional, and in my opinion the only “CHOICE”.

It is also said that love is one of God’s greatest, most complex creations, and even that “God is love!” What greater love is there than one would risk or give his life for a stranger, but in this way God proved His love for us. While we were still strangers and enemies to God: He provided a way for us to receive His greatest gift of love.

And got some notes here:

Just because you feel love doesn’t mean the other person does!!!!

People are capable of falling in and out of love so if your “true love” turns out to be abusive or makes you cry more than smile, end it and find a healthy person to love.

Remember there are levels of love, and true love is a “CHOICE” and just because someone says they love you doesn’t mean they love you. Their actions will tell.

“Love is not a feeling, it’s an ability.”

Love can take over your whole life if you are not careful. Let it not take you over, but become a part of who you are. When you think about the person you love it should make you want to be a better person, for them.
So, better use your head or your heart to handle this love thing? When you feel the love, you use your heart, but hey, if it´s forbidden love, you will use your head (better be). Just don´t get trapped in the love itself.

Love is not blind, it has never been. It is the person.

Pure love. Has anyone ever experienced that feeling? Say “ay”. =)

-K-

Source: somewhere from the internet with additional opinion ;) .. so, enjoy the L.O.V.E!